when did ‘nice’ & ‘non-confrontational’ become synonymous?
i couldn’t be happier that my body has forgotten how to sleep.
At this period in my life I am nervous and afraid of men as a whole, all encompassing, non-exclusive group. Because too often I have been so hurt & uncared for, de-valued by them. When I am myself, they fall into like/love/lust for me & demand that I satisfy their desires without any thought,…
I think that each person is worth at least three cents; because I am willing to give you a penny for your thoughts, after which I will offer you my two cents worth.
"People. Just people. People make me nervous. All the people. When they walk past me I cringe. I hardly believe in the idea of family outside of blood. The concept I can’t wrap my mind around is that we’re in the blood, He has given all of us His blood and made us a family, but my concept of family is so askew I’m doubtful I’ll ever get the hang of it. I come here and everything in me shouts,”RUN!” But something holds me here and draws me here each week, some force-my God- brought me here for some purpose. He sees things in me that I can’t even hint at yet, He sees things in me that I only wish were true; responsible, amiable, resourceful, trustworthy, tactful. Those are the words I would choose to describe myself. Lord, how would you describe me? I know you designed me as a remarkable creature."
I spoke this to God last night and He responded to me through others (prophecy) that I am uniquely made. He showed them pictures of birds and promised me more freedom. Birds mean so much to me, what they represent to me. I see myself as a bird in my mind; always wanting to fly away, skittish around people, unattached, and the idea of being in a cage makes me want to die. But my God has promised me freedom.
I’m upset. Sin nature is ugly as hell &that’s right exactly where it belongs- in the bottomless fiery pit of hell. Yeah, go ahead. Lie to me, treat me like crap, use me, abuse me, and please - call yourself a Christian, do it all in the name of over-spiritualized bullshit. Hurl the blame on me and wash your hands of it. You’ve obviously lived a perfect life; sin can’t touch you. I’m the one with the problems, the issues, the crazy one. Now, go ahead & wonder why so many people have issues with ‘the church’ & ‘Christians’ as a whole. Ask yourself how so many have deep wounds inflicted by the Bible thumpers, why they hate the idea of Jesus because of the ‘followers’ they’ve known. Preach to me. Tell me how to live my life, tell me what I’m doing wrong, try to make me feel guilty. Just please don’t claim you’re doing it out of love because that is the biggest sac of dog shit I’ve ever been tossed and I hope it burns along with your religious spirits and pathetic judgments.